Computer
Virus Types
Adam
and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your
Apple.
Airline
virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
Anita
Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years.
Arnold
Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident.
It'll be back.
AT&T
virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great
service you are getting.
The
MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that
you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.
Bill
Clinton virus: This virus mutates from region to
region and we're not exactly sure what it does.
Bill
Clinton virus: Promises to give equal time to all
processes: 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class
processes, and 50% to rich ones. This virus protests
your computer's involvement in other computer's affairs,
even though it has been having one of its own for 12
years.
Congressional
Virus: Overdraws your computer.
Congressional
Virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically
with a message appearing on each half blaming the other
side for the problem.
Dan
Quayle virus: Prevents your system from spawning
any child processes without joining into a binary network.
Dan
Quayle virus: Simplye addse ane ee toe everye worde
youe typee..
David
Duke virus: Makes your screen go completely white.
Elvis
virus: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and
then self destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls
and service stations across rural America.
Federal
bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds
of little units, each of which do practically nothing,
but all of which claim to be the most important part
of the computer.
Freudian
virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying
its own motherboard.
Gallup
virus: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose
38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus
or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).
George
Bush virus: Doesn't do anything, but you can't get
rid of it until November.
Government
economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic
software says everything is fine.
Jerry
Brown virus: Blanks your screen and begins flashing
an 800 number.
Madonna
virus: If your computer gets this virus, lock up
your dog!
Mario
Cuomo virus: It would be a great virus, but it refuses
to run.
Michael
Jackson virus: Hard to identify because it is constantly
altering its appearance. This virus won't harm your
PC, but it will trash your car.
New
World Order virus: probably harmless, but it makes
a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.
Nike
virus: Just Does It!
Ollie
North virus: Turns your printer into a document
shredder.
Oprah
Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks
to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.
Pat
Buchanan virus: Shifts all your output to the extreme
right of your screen.
Paul
Revere virus: This revolutionary virus does not
horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack---once
if by LAN, twice if by C:.
Paul
Tsongas virus: Pops up on December 25 and says,
"I'm not Santa Claus."
PBS
virus: Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for
money.
Politically
correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus",
but instead refers to itself as an "electronic
microorganism".
Richard
Nixon virus: Also known as the "Tricky Dick
Virus", you can wipe it out but it always makes
a comeback.
Right
To Life virus: Won't allow you to delete a file,
regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase
a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about
possible alternatives.
Ross
Perot virus: Activates every component in your system,
just before the whole thing quits.
Ted
Kennedy virus: Crashes your computer but denies
it ever happened.
Ted
Turner virus: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
Terry
Randle virus: Prints "Oh no you don't"
whenever you choose "Abort" from the "Abort,
Retry, Fail" message.
Texas
virus: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other
file.
UK
Parliament virus: Splits the screen into two with
a message in each half blaming other side for the state
of the system.
Warren
Commission virus: Won't allow you to open your files
for 75 years.
